You Only Live Once: Philosophy.

An excerpt from my newly acquired favorite book, "When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?" by George Carlin

"Live as if every day were your last, for eventually you will die. You'll be fully prepared."


That is my new catchphrase. Why? I am choosing battle the negative stand on negativity. I think, we need it. I think people who say, "Why are you so pessimistic?" Should be shot, and seriously. Unless you can look at things in both a negative and a positive... Well then you shouldn't be talking period.

I used to be a very negative person. I would easily counter people's positive views and show them what I felt was the "real" world. I'd call myself all kinds of crap. A realist. That was my favorite. But then I came to the realization, that life isn't all negative.

"Life is a thrift store amusement park." --- Another catch phrase I am coining for myself.

You can do everything in life. Ride the roller coaster... Which is broken. And you have a 50/50 chance of it breaking on you and you being the poor sap who gets beheaded by the tracks.

You can go ask that pretty girl who's trying to wait in line to buy that pretzel that may have accidentally been laced with rat poison, if she wants to go with you. And you'll have a 50/50 chance she'll say yes, and a 50/50 chance she may die eating that pretzel.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, in truth life isn't a well balanced game of odds. In truth success and happiness are roughly 34% possible. And 65% unlikely. But that still leaves you with a % for perfection, and 34% to make it... So is it worth it to be unhappy miserable and angry all the time? To look at life in a, "It's going to rain today." Sort of way?



My loyal readers, and those of you new ones who stumble by. I am going to impose some wisdom on you. (Even though I am far from wise.)


Try to be happy. Even if you're sad and wrong all the time. Make yourself happy. How? There are 20 ways to see the world. 4 ways are good. 5 ways are bad. And one way is gay. Use one of the happy ways.

Sure you make it harder to be disappointed if you expect it... But you also kill yourself a bit on the inside.

And yes I'll get you the results of my last experiment soon :)



Checklist for readers:

[ ] Say yes to something you normally wouldn't.
[ ] Smile at someone for no apparent reason.
[ ] Give someone the benefit of a doubt.
[ ] Look at something in a positive way, even if it's negative.
[ ] Encourage one other person to do the same.
[ ] Find a happy theme song for the month.

The Job-Less *Hunt*

Another re-post! If only if only I'd actually found a job -sobs-


OH! Forgot, ch-check it out. I've got a myspace.

What did I choose for my pretty lame myspace URL thing? Freepie. Well... Freepie backwards anyway,

http://www.myspace.com/eipeerf

Because everything is better backwards. And bare with me. I'm still learning how to use it.
(Side note, apparently smiley faces attract rap artists as I've had about 6 of them send me friends requests.)



So I was looking for a job ***Correction, am looking.***

And it seemed that after the 5th interview I'd landed that all every business could say was, "I would love to hire you, but with how things are we just don't have any open positions. We'll call you."

I was frustrated, I had six more interviewers to see, and well... I was rather agitated! So I decided. What would happen if I was the worst possible candidate when I went into their office? Would they tell me no blatantly? Would they say yes hesitantly? Or would I hear the same words, "We'll call you."

I'm not dumb, I know the nicest way to say no, is indirectly. And I've never ever been turned down if I've made it to an interview. So I was wondering. Do people actually say "NO" at an interview?

-Read more to find out!-


(Disclaimer: Edited out the names! And it's off memory, so while it's pretty accurate, language and context may/may not be the type used exactly.)

Anti-view #1: The UPS Store.

Interviewer: "Afternoon, please if you'd just have a seat we can get this moving along. I'm sure you're busy."

Me: "Yeah, I really am busy, do you think we could make this quick?"

Interviewer: "Uhhh- Yeah sure... So I see you have no real experience with shipping and receiving, but you've got a lot of computer skills... Is there a reason you want to work here with us?"

Me: "Well no, oh and I lied about the computer skills. I never took that course in programming. Just an F.Y.I."

Interviewer: "... Oh, well thanks for being honest..." said while laughing a bit nervously, "Is this a joke?"

Me: "No, would I have worn a collared shirt if it were?"

Interviewer: "You just aren't the sort of candidate we're looking for right now... Maybe you should try McDonald's."

Me: "I knew I should have applied at the Post Office next door. Damn UPS."



Anti-view #2: Play It Again Sports.

Me: "Hey, it's nice to meet you, sorry I'm late. I was at an interview at McDonald's. I wanted to see if I could get a McMuffin."

Interviewer: Looks at me as if I've got a bug on my head, "Well I'm sorry I tried calling you, we actually don't have any open positions right now... If you'd like though I can give you a call when we have a spot open though."

Me: "Wow that was the fastest interview I've had. Thanks for spending my time."

Interviewer: "Sorry I really did try to call."


Anti-view #3: Pete's Tea And Coffee.

Interviewer: "Please have a seat, I'll be right with you. Would you like a drink for the time being?"

Me: "I don't know, is your coffee any good?"

Interviewer: "Yes... One second." Walks off.

Interviewer: "Okay sorry about that. So... What do you think would make you a good candidate for us here?"

Me: "Do they always make you start out with a question?"

Interviewer: "Well... No it helps me get to know you."

Me: "Isn't that why I filled out the application, and why you called me?"

Interviewer: "Well no I meant on a more personal level, would you like to start over?"

Me: "Okay, what do you think would make you a good candidate for us here?"

Interviewer: Laughs some before getting serious. "Have you worked anywhere similar to Pete's before?"

Me: "I don't know, you have my application."

Interviewer: Still serious. "Okay, I don't have time for this. Thanks for stopping by."

Me: "Does this mean I got the job?"

Interviewer: "No."


****Edit: I had to remove three, apparently Helium sucks.****

So there you have it. Apparently... They do and WILL say no. The downside? I've got 6 places that will now NEVER hire me. (And probably none of my extended family) The upside? It was fun as all hell.

Once more I've conquered my desire to please everyone. So if you've been hunting for a job, and are on that one that is bottom of the barrel in your list. Play with it. It's a complete morale booster! And hey, I figure if I fail 100% at an interview statistically, I am destined to pass the next one!

Right? Probably wrong.




Note: There's the re-post guys, sorry the other three have to remain omitted, as no matter how I try to reword it, it takes away from the genuine-facts behind the whole thing which to me made it so funny!

I'm still down a job, and I am pretty sure, it's why I'm only attracting women I don't want to me. And God-Damnit, the Cardinals lost. Talk about a sucky superbowl :(