It's Coming!

I know! The pun was not intended. I am just letting my faithful readers who have emailed me saying, "Why have you stopped posting?!" That my refried beans... Er blog is about to be active again, I have just been creating a list of sites that I am okay with spamming and getting banned from.


I've also realized Disneyland supports Panda's, as such....

Knott's Berry Farm too. Both theme parks are selling Panda propaganda, and it's detestable!


Still I have to sit in wonder about how far into our infrastructure these demon bastards have spread! No longer shall I allow the world to think them cute! They eat babies!

I have proof, but I cannot reveal it yet.

Oh and apparently. Disneyland isn't kid friendly, and they don't sell alcohol. Talk about screwing the pooch. Or the Pooh bear. Whatever you'd prefer.

Also, I have discovered small wooden ferris wheels invoke a primal fear of heights in me. Dragon swings make my testicles feel like they don't exist, and well

I GOT A FUCKING EYEPATCH

Paint Guns Are Awesome.

So I've been having fun with the newly purchased paint gun in my home. I painted my bathroom and am now trying to construct an end table. For this I have procured a jigsaw and some nails. A hammer also! Though I have little training in the art of woodcraft... I figure I am genetically engineered to be the best, most amazing, awesome, and potentially lethal wood worker the world has ever known.

Maybe I will even construct some home-made spears for the PDS (Panda Death Squad).

I will soon upload some pictures and show you my works! The end-table has yet to be started. But soon my friends... I will be on the way to creating things with my hands.

One of the many things on my list of stuff to do before I die.

You Only Live Once: Philosophy.

An excerpt from my newly acquired favorite book, "When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?" by George Carlin

"Live as if every day were your last, for eventually you will die. You'll be fully prepared."


That is my new catchphrase. Why? I am choosing battle the negative stand on negativity. I think, we need it. I think people who say, "Why are you so pessimistic?" Should be shot, and seriously. Unless you can look at things in both a negative and a positive... Well then you shouldn't be talking period.

I used to be a very negative person. I would easily counter people's positive views and show them what I felt was the "real" world. I'd call myself all kinds of crap. A realist. That was my favorite. But then I came to the realization, that life isn't all negative.

"Life is a thrift store amusement park." --- Another catch phrase I am coining for myself.

You can do everything in life. Ride the roller coaster... Which is broken. And you have a 50/50 chance of it breaking on you and you being the poor sap who gets beheaded by the tracks.

You can go ask that pretty girl who's trying to wait in line to buy that pretzel that may have accidentally been laced with rat poison, if she wants to go with you. And you'll have a 50/50 chance she'll say yes, and a 50/50 chance she may die eating that pretzel.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, in truth life isn't a well balanced game of odds. In truth success and happiness are roughly 34% possible. And 65% unlikely. But that still leaves you with a % for perfection, and 34% to make it... So is it worth it to be unhappy miserable and angry all the time? To look at life in a, "It's going to rain today." Sort of way?



My loyal readers, and those of you new ones who stumble by. I am going to impose some wisdom on you. (Even though I am far from wise.)


Try to be happy. Even if you're sad and wrong all the time. Make yourself happy. How? There are 20 ways to see the world. 4 ways are good. 5 ways are bad. And one way is gay. Use one of the happy ways.

Sure you make it harder to be disappointed if you expect it... But you also kill yourself a bit on the inside.

And yes I'll get you the results of my last experiment soon :)



Checklist for readers:

[ ] Say yes to something you normally wouldn't.
[ ] Smile at someone for no apparent reason.
[ ] Give someone the benefit of a doubt.
[ ] Look at something in a positive way, even if it's negative.
[ ] Encourage one other person to do the same.
[ ] Find a happy theme song for the month.