"The Pandamic"

These cunning bastards. It seems in my extended absence the internet has continued to experience what I (as a expert Panda fighter) call "The Pandamic".

These violent monsters may look nice and cuddly. They may even pretend to just be natures lovable retards, but they are anything but.

Crafty, cruel, and corrupt these devil-spawn are pure evil.

We're onto you, you bamboo munching bastards.

Just Making Sure You're All Safe

With the Pandageddon so close, I wanted to check in with those of you who check in frequently. Are you okay? If you're reading this, then you are.

If not... Well telling you how to reach me wont really help.

On a side note. Watch out. I heard the Panda's recently allied themselves with Dolphin's. What does that mean for us?

Well that our Tuna is no longer safe. For shame.

I Was Kidnapped, By The Panda's.

So yes I know it has been a long while since a solid post has been let free! And for that I am sorry.

My current battles with those horrible creatures has taken a slight turn for the worst! For several weeks I have been kidnapped by them! (Arguably alcohol may have altered my state of mind. But that is very very unlikely.)

They'd pulled a trick so clever and cruel at the same time. Allow me to impart a small clip to show you just what they'd done... Though please note. This is a dramatization, the actual event was far far worse.




There you have it. The creatures caught up with me and conned me into a false sense of security. Try as I have to have their kind mashed and destroyed it has proven to finally incur their wrath! Why they have this fixation towards cheap Chinese cuisine is beyond me. All I know is they are a force to be reckoned with and I am certainly going to need to higher more security detail.

But fret not friends, for your leader in this epic battle against the malicious cruelty of the so-called 'Gentle Giant' has escaped. And as I have thwarted them in their attempt to silence me, I shall thwart their plans to conquer us and turn the world into theirs.

Panda Porn

They're even trying to take over our porn industry. Hairy bastards.

They're Multiplying.

Baby Panda born in Thai zoo.

Seems that I was right. They're expanding. And soon they'll outnumber us. These cruel malicious animals are using us, hiding their pregnancies and even trying to act loving to trick us!

Open your eyes! See that these beasts want to enslave humanity!!!!

Panda's And Their (Dead) Uses.

Okay so I had the HTML all done for my blog layout... And I realized that I'd messed up somewhere and it's not compatible with blogger... So until I get it sorted out this is staying.

Anyways I've come to realize this blog needs to be centralized. And so I am going to centralize it.

My blog shall now be devoted ENTIRELY to the way's Panda's are Satan's little pets (With evidence mind you.)

As well as the random evil panda snippets I've found.

The first is as follows.

"The Only True Use For A Panda Head."

Do You Still Think They're Cute?

Do you still trust them?

Comment, let us know.

It's Coming!

I know! The pun was not intended. I am just letting my faithful readers who have emailed me saying, "Why have you stopped posting?!" That my refried beans... Er blog is about to be active again, I have just been creating a list of sites that I am okay with spamming and getting banned from.


I've also realized Disneyland supports Panda's, as such....

Knott's Berry Farm too. Both theme parks are selling Panda propaganda, and it's detestable!


Still I have to sit in wonder about how far into our infrastructure these demon bastards have spread! No longer shall I allow the world to think them cute! They eat babies!

I have proof, but I cannot reveal it yet.

Oh and apparently. Disneyland isn't kid friendly, and they don't sell alcohol. Talk about screwing the pooch. Or the Pooh bear. Whatever you'd prefer.

Also, I have discovered small wooden ferris wheels invoke a primal fear of heights in me. Dragon swings make my testicles feel like they don't exist, and well

I GOT A FUCKING EYEPATCH